PERCEPTION OF SELF
"There are two of you, don't you see? One that kills and one that loves." That is a very powerful quote from an intensely psychological movie, APOCALYPSE NOW. The movie was released in 1979 and the setting is the Vietnam War. Those words were said to Captain Willard (Martin Sheen) by Roxanne on his journey up river to assassinate another American officer, Colonel Kurtz (Marlon Brando). Ironically, in many ways, Willard can identify with Kurtz and is psychologically killing himself.
Another powerful quote from the same movie is the basis of my workshop, "Perception of Self". Willard is attempting to make sense of his actions when he says to himself, "Part of me was afraid of what I would find and what I would do when I got there. I knew the risks, or imagined I knew. But the thing I felt the most, much stronger than fear, was the desire to confront him." Maybe Willard was afraid to confront himself when he came face-to-face with Kurtz.
What is your Perception of Self? What is your Concept of Self? For me, for many years my perceptions of who I was, and even now who I am at times, can be defined or described by the quote in the first paragraph.
I believe that there are two of me. One persona, or mask, who has the power to kill and one persona who has the power to love. In my journey I have taken lives but I have also created life.
If we can admit it, we know that there are many ways to kill just as there are many ways to love. We can "kill" a relationship by the ways we treat the other person. If we continue to control, manipulate, abuse, and smother the other person we will take the life out of that relationship. If we cannot trust, then the relationship will rot, decay and die.
However, we also have the power to give life, to love. But first we need to begin with the person we see in the mirror every morning, or when we wake up. We need to love ourselves before we can honestly love someone else. And for many people that can be the most difficult part of the journey up river. To love ourselves means to confront ourselves.
Who do you see when you look in the mirror? What do you see when you look in the mirror? What do you think other people see when they look at you? How would you define yourself?
What are your goals in life? Your goals might have changed from the time you graduated from high school. Maybe your goals are not the same as they were ten years ago, five years ago, last year, or even last month. The journey of life has a tendency to take us in directions we never intended or expected to go. If one of my friends in high school had told me "Mikey, first you are going to Vietnam. Then you are going to work for the Bureau of Customs in Washington, D.C., live undercover in organized crime and drug groups, prepare witnesses to testify against the government, become an ordained minister (I grew up Roman Catholic) and then create a women's magazine." I would have to wonder what kind of drugs they were on. I was a fat, shy, timid little kid with no self-esteem who could not talk to girls. And now, my work is centered around talking to a lot of women.
We all have desires in life. Currently, I have six cats that live inside. When Sharon died in 2005 we had sixteen inside. People thought I was mentally challenged to have so many cats. But all my cats wanted was the basic necessities in life. Food, shelter, love and a pat on the back. Now I am feeding a family of seven cats who live outside, too. It began with the mother. When I fed her, she brought her children. All she wanted was the basic necessities for her family. But many people hope, dream and have a desire for more than just the basic needs for survival. And that is good. By the way, society would think that a single man with sixteen cats is a little "strange." I was stereotyped and pre-judged. I had to downsize.
Learning to understand who you are can be very scary and even painful. Many times it means taking a risk and going into the "cave" of your mind and confronting the dark areas of your being. Remember what Willard said to himself. "The thing I felt the most, much stronger than fear, was the desire to confront." Confrontation is not easy for some people. Many times we need to confront the one person we fear facing the most, ourselves. However, we need to confront ourselves in order to come face to face with our challenges, our demons, people who have hurt us and even take responsibility for the consequences of our actions. We need to confront ourselves in order to change our perception of who we believe we are and eventually begin to feel again.
"Perception of Self" is designed to be a six to eight hour journey of self discovery. Basically, you begin to develop and create a better conscious awareness of your personal journey and the process of changing the person you perceive yourself to be.
You begin to look at your intellect, faith, beliefs, attitude, consciousness and spirituality.
You begin to write your Credo, created a personal business plan and, hopefully, develop stronger empowerment skills.
You begin to think critically about yourself, about who you are, about who you want to be and even about your faults and flaws.
You begin to understand the "masks" of your personality or your persona. You begin to understand your identity. You begin to define or redefine who you are and what you can achieve in life. The goal is to work from the inside out. The focus is to take that journey into your mind, into your soul, into your psyche. Psyche is defined as "the forces within a person that influence thought, behavior and personality. It refers to the Concept of Self and is responsible for our behavior." Just as Captain Willard had to wrestle with going inside his psyche and confronting the dark side, at times, we also most do the same thing so that we can continue the journey up river. But remember it is only the beginning.
For more information about our workshops, please email me at mbkaminski@verizon.net or call me at 570-490-4387.
"Yes, I am wise,
But it is wisdom born of pain.
Yes, I have paid the price,
But look how much I have gained.
See, you can bend but never break me,
Because it only serves to make me
More determined to achieve my final goal.And I will come back even stronger,
Not a novice any longer.
Because you have deepened the conviction in my soul.I AM STRONG.
I AM INVINCIBLE.
I AM WOMAN.
(I AM WOMAN by Helen Reddy)
If you have any questions, suggestions, comments or concerns about the magazine, please write to me at mike@aroseforsharon.org. This is YOUR magazine, not mine. Please tell me what you would like to see in it. I need your help to make this publication a continued success.
Thank you,
Mike Kaminski